It Took Me 12 Years To Tell This Story

Changelog: August 16th

One of the best days of my life

One of the worst days of my life

My littlest guys birthday

A bridge to a new reality

The night before I was feeling odd. 34 weeks pregnant. Too early for it to be the baby coming. Went out to dinner for a ‘last chance’ date while the inlaws watched the oldest. Something wasn’t right. Left dinner early for a quick trip to the ER for an ultrasound. They patted me on the head like they had the 6 other times I had done this during this pregnancy, marked my folder with a ‘nutty mom’ and sent me on my way.

Next day…still not feeling good. “Stop being such a hypochondriac”, I remember saying to myself. “There is nothing wrong with the baby. If there was they would have seen it in all the ultrasounds or when they took your appendix out at 21 weeks pregnant. You’re a nut. Take a nap.”

Fell asleep for a few hours. “Maybe I should take a shower?” I thought. The warm water felt great and I made my way down the stairs where Bob was playing with a toddler sized Con. He looked at me with a strange face and said “I think we should go to the hospital”. “Really, why?” and then I felt the revolt inside my body happen. Oh my god! Was I really going into labor? It was too soon. The room wasn’t ready.

Bob called my mom who lived about 20 minutes away but I couldn’t wait. We sat in the driveway waiting for her to get there to take Con. All the doors in the house wide open as Bob had rushed me to the car.

Screaming at Bob on the I-10 freeway to hurry as fast as he could. I knew today was the day. My precious little boy was coming. A little early but OK…we would deal with that.

Got to the hospital and I was now screaming for the anesthesiologist. Where the hell was he? With each contraction I screamed louder for him. Finally a nurse grabbed me by the hand and told me “He isn’t coming. It’s too late. You are going to have to do this on your own. NOW”.

WAIT??? WHAT???? No, no, no, NO, that is NOT the plan here lady. It was my first lesson in learning that Carter had his own plans. Mine were about to become merely an after thought in this grand scheme.

….and then there he was. A little screaming ball of fury being taken over for his apgar scores since he was 6 weeks early.

And then we were jutted into an alternate universe. At least that is what it felt like.

Bells, alarms, lights, hurried codes over the speaker system. There was something terribly ‘wrong’ with the baby. They rushed him out of the room. Bob looked at me and in that brief second our lives irrevocably altered. I remember saying “GO. Go with him. I will be fine”. Because it didn’t matter if I was bleeding to death at the moment (I wasn’t). Carter was all that mattered.

Bells, alarms and whistles gave way to hushed tones, scared residents and quiet tears. It was a janitor who told me what was wrong. In broken English she said the two words that haunt me to this day: spina bifida. What? What was that? I read about that somewhere in a baby book I remember. But my baby doesn’t have that because I had the blood test for it. I had 6 ultrasounds. I had my appendix out for gods sake. There is nothing wrong with my baby.

But there was. At least in the physical sense. Because I can tell you as sure as I know my name that there is nothing WRONG with my baby. He is a beautiful, complete soul who happened to be born with an open spine. He is both one of the three loves of my life and my hero.

Each family, each person all have their own reality. Ours is both the same and different from the many people living with spina bifida. And while, no, spina bifida was not in my plans we try to live each day as if it were merely an after thought in this grand scheme.

This post is the kickoff to a blog hop being sponsored by another site of mine, Spina Bifida Connection. If you would like to read more peoples stories of living with spina bifida or you would like to link to your own post on the subject use the linky below!

Cavalia=AH MAZE ZING!

No, it isn’t DIA. It’s the gorgeous white tent tops of Cavalia.
Cavalia Tent

Last night I took the family to see Cavalia. To tell it in 140 characters or less: It is a Cirque-type shows featuring horses. Good thing I have more than 140 characters cause I could go on and on about this amazing performance. But to tell you the truth, when I was first offered media tickets which encouraged us to ask all generations I was skeptical. Other Cirque style shows, while amazing, were not something I could see kids being glued to the whole time. But, Cavalia had everyone completely engrossed from the opening scene to the last. The show symbolically shows the relationship between horse and man throughout time. Which seems like kids would be asleep in the first 5 minutes but they do it so well with a balance of slower, graceful acts and upbeat, comedic ones that the kids are constantly looking to see where the next horse is going to flying through the doors. I am sure many of the children missed the historical timeline symbology but that is OK. It was what added layers of depth that all generations could enjoy.

To say it is amazingly beautiful just scratches the surface. I wish I had the words to describe it. Graceful? Spirited? Spiritual? Fun? All work but none separately. So you are just going to have to trust me on this. It is an unforgettable experience. Tickets are not inexpensive. This is a special treat for most but it is completely worth it and I hope that you all have the chance to see whether here in Denver or your hometown.

Here is a sneak peek

Cavalia will be here in Denver through Oct. 17th. It is playing on the Pepsi Center grounds. I really encourage you all to try to get tickets if you can. It is a once in a lifetime experience and very appropriate and entertaining for the kids.

Disclaimer: I was compensated to attend this event. However, that in no way influenced my opinion of the show.

Created By Us

I had so much fun last Saturday getting together with some of my friends and their kiddos to paint pottery at the Color Me Mine in Aurora. We took part in the Created By You campaign party that I told you about last week. In the spirit of the day, I got a little creative with the photos. Click the tv to enjoy…


Chris has some fun photos of the event on her blog too. Go check her out :)