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My dad is now in end stage Congestive Heart Failure. It has been a long, hard road starting with a series of heart attacks and strokes that have been going on well over 2 years now.
It was time for me to call hospice in. Hospice is a service that helps make the end stages of someones life as comfortable as possible.
This weekend he was in so much pain. He was at the point of taking morphine every two hours along with various other drugs.
He is tired and he keeps telling me he is dying. According to hospice workers the best thing to say is “Yes, you are but I am here to make you as comfortable as possible”. I don’t think I can say that.
Whether he lives 6 more hours or 6 more months, how do you look someone in the eye and tell them they are dying? I know he knows, but I just can’t say it.
I am really, really struggling with this and it shouldn’t be about me. I can’t watch the pain and I can’t not be there. I know in my head that I am doing all that I can but my heart tells me that I should be able to do more.
to my little corner of the blogosphere. I am Barb, an ex-public school teacher turned blogger and forum owner. Read all about our family antics as we muddle through the chaos that occurs daily when you mix a work-at-home-mom with an unschooled, wheeling, tween and a teen in Catholic school. Not to mention my very traditional high school sweetheart turned husband of 17 years. Hey, at least I am giving my kids something to talk about in therapy when they get older...
Barb, I am so sorry you are going through this tough time. You are definitely doing all you can do, you are a great daughter for being there for him.
(((HUGS)))
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When I went through that with both my parents, I smiled at him and said "Daddy do you know how much I love you" and it was an in to say things that you will wish you had later, that moment brings back such a calm to me hard to explain, the hospice people were the BEST they got us through it all. We were in the same place 4 years later with my mom. They are the most compasionate people, it really takes someone special to do their job.
My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
That is a great response. Thank you so much for that. I will try that today
I’m sorry you are going through this. When my father died, it was quickly, and I wish I had been able to tell him again that I loved him before he passed. I agree with the previous posts, you are doing what you can, and don’t let opportunities pass to say you love him.
Praying for you & your family.
Barb,
what a difficult thing to face. Just hoping a little peace comes your way through this.
I am sorry you are having to go through this. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. Otherwise, blessed be you and yours.
I am so sorry for your pain. We said goodbye to my father in law, 2 years ago this Jan. We brought him home to die, it was so heartbreaking, but such a gift to have the time to say goodbye. Praying for you.
I’m so sorry, both of my parents passed away several years ago and it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I’ll be praying for you and your family.
~Liz
I’m so sorry. I wish you and your father strength and love.
It was Nov 1996, my husband was TDY overseas, I was home in CO with my 3 year old son and my 1 year old son while my sister was in FL at my mom’s bedside as Hospice was called in. I called my husband’s 1st Sgt on Sunday morning, my husband was flown home and arrived late Monday evening. I had emergency airline tickets for Tuesday early morning, but Monday the phone rang at 11 pm or so and it was my sister. My mom had passed, and, well…I never got to say good-bye, but I hold my memories dear to my heart and I always will.
Perhaps the Hospice workers are trying to say to you that your dad needs permission to let go. Find your own words to give your dad that permission and it will help you achieve closure when the time comes.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
No one could do more than you are so rest in peace ,everything will be in time taken care of . There is a plan for all this which no one can understand now. He knows you love him and this gives him peace of mind even in his condition. LOVE YOU FOR SO VERY MUCH. your MOM
six years ago I had to look my 45 year old momma in the eyes and tell her it was 'ok to let go'. that was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! Within days she was gone. She was so sick and so tired so I had to steel myself and just say it. If you pray, just say a prayer and the right words will come.
your dad knows how much you love him and may just be waiting to hear it.
God bless, you're in my prayers!
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