Photo courtesy of Flikr: Lara064. Not the mom in the story!
I was in Target this afternoon and the mom in front of me had her little girl, a toddler, with her. The little girl was throwing a tantrum for some little trinket in the area all moms know as the ‘toddler trap’ (that little place right before the checkout with all those goodies right at toddler height).
The little girl was screaming, the mom paid, then she turned around and slapped the little girl across the face and angrily told her “if your daddy would pay child support than maybe I could afford to buy you all this stuff“.
It was one of those moments, where your eyebrows shoot up and you shake your head thinking, “Did I really just see that happen?”
She was gone as quick as it happened but all of us who saw the scene just sort of stood there in disbelief. On one hand, I wanted to grab the little girl, on the other I was worried for the mom, and on the third (yes, I have three hands in this scenario) I wanted to go after her and call the police. I doubt that many of us can say we haven’t experienced the toddler aisle tantrum and I know how frustrating it can be. I just can’t imagine being that angry that I would a) slap my child in the face b) say such a horrible thing about her dad in front of her (granted she is a toddler and probably doesn’t understand but as she gets older she will).
I am feeling pretty badly about not intervening in some way but it happened so fast that before I realized what I saw, she was gone. Have you ever seen something like this happen? What did you do? What would you have done in my shoes?
About 
to my little corner of the blogosphere. I am Barb, an ex-public school teacher turned blogger and forum owner. Read all about our family antics as we muddle through the chaos that occurs daily when you mix a work-at-home-mom with an unschooled, wheeling, tween and a teen in Catholic school. Not to mention my very traditional high school sweetheart turned husband of 17 years. Hey, at least I am giving my kids something to talk about in therapy when they get older...
I am sure that I could say many thing of “what I would have done” but really, I have been in the position where disbelief has taken over my ability to speak. And then I always feel bad afterward.
When I do find the voice to speak up, I usually try to get the attention of the child to calmly get them to quiet down before things get out of control and it looks like the mother is out of control too. Like putting my finger up to my mouth..ssshhhh. Or if I have one of my young children or babies with me I say “be careful we don’t want to upset the baby”. Simple things like that. Kid who are having fits are usually stunned when some one else says something to them.
It is such a tough call when it comes to intervening, even if we try to be polite and calm, are we going to “come across” as some one nuts like that guy who hit another a screaming toddler that wasn’t his own. Sometimes it is thin line to cross and knowing when to cross it is hard.
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I probably would have done just what you did, feeling like I should have done more and all. I did witness something similar at the park a few weeks ago. If I’d had a cell phone I might have called the police to the park. As it is, I just pray for the mom and little boy and family.
I saw something similar, although not as bad, at the walk-in clinic last week. A mom with two little boys under 3. One was biting the other, and biting her. She had raised her voice with them a number of times, obviously tired, stressed and overwhelmed. But then, she slapped the “biter”, on the wrist (I think) as a discipline for the biting. It left an impression on me. And made me made. If she treats her children like that in pubic, how does she treat them at home when no one is looking? And what kind of message is she sending to her kids? It’s bad to bite, but OK to hit?
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All I can say is Wow! I have seent he toddler’s crying in the aisle, and mine even did that at one time, but to slap her… in public? She’s lucky no one did call the police!
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WOW seriously I would have pointed out that 1) You dont need to say the whole comment about the dad.That is a grown up problem 2)she shoulda picked her kid up as soon as she was done and walked away. NO tantrum deserves attention thats why they do it!3)smacking your kid in the face in public, ican only imagine behind close doors. Pointing it out probably would have made her yell at you but hey we are adults,we can take it.But hopefully it would humiliate her and she would think twice about a scenario thats bound to happen again.TODDLERS do these things ! ok im done ranting,stopping by from sits glad I found you!
Sometimes you need to thank those with that sort of reactions to remind you of the person you do not want to be.
Also some Mamas react in a worse way in public because they are afraid of being judged by those around them. “Look at her not ‘controlling’ her child. What kind of mother is she?” In her crazy thoughts she probably thought other parents might “approve”.
I’ve seen infants crying, not hit, but crying without any sort of mother/ caretaker reaction and thought of just picking up the child. It’s so sad to see children unloved or with selfish caregivers. Perhaps given a chance to think about it in that situation, I might have given the $5 or whatever to the little one and said, “here, it’s from your Dad”. Hind sight is always 20-20.
WOW!
A few years back when my daughter was still in school I watched a parent spank their child violently.
I was in shock as the mom made her daughter get back in the car and sped off.
I was horrified and shocked. I went to the office to report it, and they didn’t seem to care. When I got home I called the police and they told me she probably deserved it!
I was sick all day thinking what that child went through once she as home and noone was watching.
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It was probably a stressed out mom who lost it. I know I sure have with my 2. Thankfully my 4 year old daughter knows not to throw tantrums when we’re out most days, because she knows if she the next time we are at the store she wont get to walk through the toy isle- the highlight of the shopping trip for her. But with her when she throws a tantrum you have to either let it run its course or scare the pants off her- by yelling in her face or possibly a slap to the face (thankfully most times I can just let her cry it out)
As far as the comment, if its done in a nasty way then yes its over the top. But if its done in a matter of fact way then I don’t think its too bad. I know that I’ve had to tell my son many time we will have to wait till after the check comes. I think I’ve told the kids way to many times that I’m sorry I just don’t have the money for this or that. It does seem to have helped in the “I wants” when we are out shopping. I think being honest about money with kids is very important.
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That is so sad!
I’ve been stressed and tested by my son in stores more times than I can count and even when I talk sternly to him ( You the know clenched teeth mommy yell lol)I feel bad… I cant imagine doing what that woman did..
and further more, being a child of a divorced family– and hearing more negativity about my father than I cared to…. I feel especially bad for that little girl. I hate seeing kids being put in the middle… and come on’ shes a toddler for Goodness sake!
i once witnessed a young mother with Britney look and attitude screaming at her older child while she was trying to take care of her baby. All this parked at the corner of a street, with open doors and cars (although slowly) passing by. I was walking the dog and at first, I just gave her ‘the stare’ and said “Oy” because she was swearing at the boy.
Then I thought about it and I went back, attached the dog and offered to help her. I distracted the boy and she finished cleaning up her baby. She was very surprised by the help and looked exhausted.
It’s not quite the same but sometimes I think a public meltdown or obvious ‘bad behaviour’ towards children can be classed as a cry for help.
Admittedly, I am not always that ‘grand’ either. Not as a mum and not as a bystander.