Not Ready To Write

Wow, was it really two weeks ago that I wrote so flipantly about the possibility of small things going wrong in my life? How petty it all seems in the light of the last two weeks.

I can’t write it all now. I don’t have the strength yet. I want to write a brave and flowing post about all I have been through and I am sure that I will but for now a few details to friends and family will suffice.

If you remember in my last post I was commiserating that my dad was back in the ER. Well, later that day I was casually talking to my mom and mentioned how odd it was that my brother had not called to tell me about Dad. He was the first line of contact for the hospital since he lived there. She thought that was odd too and we talked about how sick he had been with the flu. She had the flu as well but Monday night she went and dropped off some chicken soup for him at the door. He called her later and thanked her. But, since Dad was taken back to the hospital Tues morning we had been dealing with that. My brother called my mom every night to say good night and he didn’t call her Tues. Wed. morning she went to check on him and found that he had passed away in his sleep (we estimate now it must have been later Monday night). The official cause of death was that he had a heart attack, with his heart and body being weakened by the flu.

I was in Phoenix within hours. I stayed the week and then came back and got the boys. The boys and I flew back the next morning and stayed the next week. Connor helped to carry the casket at his first and hopefully last military funeral.

I moved my dad from the hospital and into a permanent VA Nursing home while I was there. My boys said what was probably their last goodbyes to him.

Tears are falling so I will stop now but I will post again as I get through this. I have a lot to say about it. I just can’t now.


  1. Elizabeth Lowery says:

    Oh! and now my tears are flowing! I am so sorry for your lost. I have never had a sibling, but to lose someone you shared so much with is incomprehensible. Please take care of yourself. Take time to love yourself. Hey how bout that massage you’ve been waiting for? I wish you were here so we could head to GV Ranch Spa and I could give you a hug and eat cup cakes and drink Chardonay together! Hold your family tight. I know I am going to hold mine tight!

  2. I’m so sorry Barb. :::Hugs:::

  3. Barb,
    I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope the great memories you shared can warm and in some way brighten your heart. I really miss you and your family! Hugs and Love, Evette

  4. Love and hugs to you, Barb. Miss you lots!

  5. Oh Barb, I am so sorry to hear about your brother’s passing. He sounds like a loving and devoted son and brother. I am sure he will be missed.